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In Search of Acceptance when I Cannot Control Time

Can you control time?

Lately I have been feeling so much like I want to control time.  It seems like the more I try to control it, the less control I have.

I have been so busy at work.  So busy.  And I want to be as efficient as possible.  But being efficient often doesn’t allow me to dive deep into something.  Sometimes this is good, because I avoid a rabbit hole.  Sometimes this is not good because some digging would really open up the issue and lead to a breakthrough.

It is also tough as a working manager.  My team needs time from me.  I completely understand that.  And I have a big workload of things I have to accomplish.  Must find time to help / coach them or sometimes just be a sounding board.

I have a lot of HR work going on.  It is incredibly time consuming.  But not spending the time upfront on HR and team building would be disaster in the long term.

This Saturday I turned into Super Crank because I couldn’t control the time.
I had the house to myself!  Yeah (see this back story) so I really wanted to relax a little.  But I was just so overwhelmed with work.  I committed to finishing at least one big looming task I had for work (in between laundry) and then I could relax.  It really needed to get done & with me traveling all week for work, I was not sure when I could get to it.
Plus this job required 100% attention because it was very detailed.  Not something I could do in 30 minute increments and be effective.

So I finished it!  I should have felt great.  But I felt shitty.  It took me like 4 – 5 hours to do…  And most of my Saturday…  And I was leaving Sunday morning for a work trip, so my entire free time for the weekend was spent on an analysis….

The ironic part is, when I was doing the analysis, I was kind of enjoying it.  Not over the moon, but I was into it deeply and felt like I was making progress.  Progress is a big booster for me.

The crash came when I realized just how long it took me.  And I still had to pack my suitcase.  (Normally I can pack in about 15minutes.  But this trip was going to really stretch my abilities of packing.  I was going to be gone for 7 nights, I had a lot of work stuff to take for the trade show & I only wanted to take a carry on.  Oh! And of course, almost every one of my consumables (contact solution etc.) needed to be replenished.)

So even that job took 5 times longer than normal.

So by the time I was ready to ‘relax’ it was already 7 PM.

Great… I was exhausted and I wanted to go to bed early, so my relax time was about 3 hours.  For the whole week.  That just wasn’t enough.
So I went straight to being cranky during the few hours I had left!

Jackson, the constant support system, said I could leave the sink full of dishes (my chore) & he’d take care of them tomorrow.  I gratefully took him up on this.

Then he offered to give me a back massage to help me relax.  Such a super husband.

I woke up Sunday feeling pretty refreshed and calm.  I felt ready to tackles the day & the crazy week coming my way.

But how do I get around the Super Crank on Saturday?  I think I did the right thing but sucking it up & getting the work done.  I probably wouldn’t have felt so good Sunday when I woke up if I hadn’t done so much work on Saturday.

So, my question to the universe is: How do I feel better & more accomplished about the days that are all work, during those days?  How do I feel good about the work I put in & the relaxing I skipped because it allows me to have less stress in the coming days?  How do I accept the fact that I cannot control time and that’s ok?  Things will often take longer than planned.  Some weeks there isn’t a lot of time to relax.  It happens.

I would love to hear if you anyone else can relate to this and especially if you have any advice on how to feel less overwhelmed when it does happen?


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